When Linda first came into the world her mum said the only white thing in the pram was the white circle on the pillow where her head had been, everything else including Linda was covered in coal dust from the mines in the small Yorkshire town in which she lived. Linda’s background was conventional and respectable with a strong sense of family duty as her father was a Methodist minister. She was happy to conform, went to church and adopted family attitudes and expectations by joining her peers and being received by the Methodist church. It felt magical to be officially recognised but at the age of 13 she began to question things and wondered if she was just conforming including the general expectation to marry and have children.
At 21 Linda married a man from a very different social background and shortly afterwards decided to enroll at a London college to study occupational therapy. She moved home to facilitate easy travelling for the course causing her husband to move from familiar territory. Her studies and student lifestyle took her on a new and exciting path and the marriage ended after 4 years. The people she was meeting were politically active interested in philosophy, mysticism and the arts. She joined bedsitter world along with her second husband whose world was dedicated to mind expanding drugs and exploring eastern philosophies, art and music. They joined the hippie exodus from the cities in the early 1970’s moving to a derelict cottage in mid wales with no electricity water or road access. It was both exciting and rewarding to be part of a movement of young people out to change the world by seeking an alternative to the consumer society. They wanted to live a simpler cleaner and better life with home grown vegetables and traditional crafts. Although it all sounded idyllic the marriage was not a happy one and she became increasingly concerned for their two children who were growing up in an atmosphere of disharmony, disrespect and lack of trust.
Eventually Linda with a baby and a 5 year old left the "Dream life" to move to a council estate in a local market town. She was bringing up the children on her own but had the support of friends and a good local school and continued to explore various religious and philosophical ideas relying on astrology and forms of divination for guidance. These reinforced the belief that we are all responsible for our own actions and will attract to ourselves what we need for learning. Central to this was the idea that we are all at the centre of our own personal universe and therefore in control of what happens in it. She had a vague idea of a greater power or source out there but it was not part of her own personal journey.
She had learnt many survival and life skills which have served her well but was aware that the children needed a father but was not optimistic of finding a supportive partner for herself and when she met who was to be her third husband, who was also looking for family life she thought her troubles were over. Linda became pregnant straight away and though they planned to marry at some point it turned out that he was heavily involved in drug dealing and was arrested and imprisoned for 3 ½ years, sadly she also lost the baby before full term. Those years involved lots of prison visiting and they married whilst he was in prison, she wanted to support him and maintain a normal family life. She felt that everything was down to her and needed to keep going in her own strength. When the prison term was served the idea that they could pick up the pieces again fell flat because he was so traumatised and disorientated, both by his prison experience and return to normal life. With no spiritual bond the marriage fell apart.
After each relationship breakdown Linda felt enormous failure and sadness but had decided to go back to work to support the children through school and university. It was while her son was at university that he became a Christian and Linda was amazed, confused and intrigued. She started to accompany him to church because he thought she would enjoy it, which to her surprise she did. At the church she found a warm welcome and acceptance. By this time her children were married and she was enjoying grandchildren yet there was still something missing inside. "Could there really be a correlation between man and God" she thought and despite being unconvinced by theology her attitude to Christianity was becoming more positive.
Linda was encouraged to join something called 'Christianity explored' where she was able to ask her questions informally, as they shared a meal with bibles open to discover who Jesus really was. It stimulated her intellectually but she still wondered what came next and was unable to commit and increasingly felt hypocritical for attending church. Then one morning during a sermon called 'Are you a Christian' she found that she had run out of excuses to say no and felt an overwhelming need to say yes to Jesus. She finally understood and admitted that she needed God’s gift of forgiveness and became open to Gods love. Love so great that he took on human form, lived a blameless life, was tortured and died on the cross, then rose from the dead so that she could be at peace with him. SOME THOUGHTS Linda rebelled from the Christian upbringing of her childhood and went on an exciting journey of discovery believing that she was a free spirit. Experimenting with many types of philosophies and new age beliefs but ultimately nothing was able to satisfy her spirit. No relationship, no philosophy, no substance, no profession, no lifestyle choice had been able to fill the gaping hole in her soul. She lived an unbiblical life which had left her feeling guilty and unfulfilled. Like many people she felt inhibited to make a commitment to Jesus and the focus on herself and her own needs had held her back. Finally she found the bible stimulating when she took time to read and study it properly. Admitting that she needed God was a huge hurdle but when she did the relief was immense, Linda was liberated by faith in the person of Jesus Christ. She felt so much better.